I polished my landlords bulls and got a creamy dessert out of it. Aka bread and butter pudding with apple.

“Thanks for doing all my pigs, I couldn’t believe it, so I’ve been a bit cheeky and left me bulls in the hallway for you.”

“…….hello!, no problem!”

Yes my landlord has huge brass bulls and in a slightly manic conversation yesterday, during which at one point his wife looked at me and asked “Oh dear, are you feeling alright?” I told him I love the smell of brasso and polishing up things with it. So he let me do his pigs and then I did such a good job, because I have not a lot else to do in the evening, he left me his bulls. I really think I ought to get a better hobby and not crave human interaction in quite such a slightly crazed manner. But hey being on your own night after night will do that – that’s widowhood for you. Welcome to my world bitches!

Then 10 minutes later he gave me a pot of Jersey Double cream. Cheers me babber, that’ll do nicely because it’s free. I should explain I live above his butcher and grocery shop, he isn’t randomly getting shit out of his fridge to fob off on me.


I didn’t know what to make so I settled for bread and butter pudding. With cream. And stuff.

I used (in the loosest sense of the word, in that I glanced upon the ingredients before making shit up as I went along) this recipe from the good old BBC:

bread and butter pudding


First you get bread and butter 8 slices. Not difficult really. Did I cut the crusts off? Did I fuck. thats a blatant waste of food, which I do not like to do. Layer them slices up with some Bramley apple slices in between. Just chuck that shit all together in the dish. You’re not making afternoon tea for the bloody Queen, just slap it in.


Then put the milk and cream in a pan and gently warm.

Add some cinnamon if you feel like a fancy ass widow!

I did. Then stick your filthy fat fingers into the pot of cream for a little taste and feel the arteries clogging. Ah well who gives a shit? I should, but frankly I don’t care right now!


Beat the everloving shit out of the eggs and sugar

because you’ve gone old school and can’t be bothered to get the electric whisk.


pour the warm milk on the eggy mix. It smells lush!

Pour this shit all over the bread and butter in the dish. Chuck on some sugar if you want a crusty sweet top. Don’y be all coy about the calories now – you’re past the point of no return!

Bake this for about 30 mins on 170. I could be lying mind you, I didn’t time it. Probably best to check the recipe.

I took it out when it looked like this –

Oh you magnificently delicious smelling bastard.

I am ashamed to say I ate some and will pay the price to the gods of gluten later. Fucking worth it. Especially because I put a dollop of that caramel shit I made on it.

Oh my god. There’s not a lot that gives me pleasure any more but that was amazing. The cream makes it so delicious and the apple cuts through with some sharpness. Seriously try making this.

It’s quite cheap, but you may have to polish some bulls to get the cream.

Or maybe just buy some.


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